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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their bond?